Bumper stickers are so American. They are personal statements shouted to the world while safely enscounced on a huge chunk of moving tin and plastic. And let’s admit it, the things we have plastered on our bumpers, we would never say out loud in a bar.
Consider for a sec, would you go into a strange watering hole, sidle up to a stranger and say, “Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole” Doubtful. But I’ve seen that one on a car. As I recall it was on a Mercedes. Rich, entitled and chicken.
Anonymity makes it all so safe. We can have opinions without the responsibility. Perhaps this is why we have so many bumper stickers on the 240 million American driven cars out there.
You can tell a lot about a person by their bumper sticker. Around New England a Red Sox or Patriots insignia is part of our tribal code. For some, it's a biological imperative. For others, it's a cultural imperative. Forget about Celtics and Bruins, those train wrecks need serious gene splicing to get into our Darwinian favor. Although the Celtics latest moves show a glimmer, let’s see what happens when the season starts.
The stickers with the least imagination and the most smugness are proud momma and poppa types. They sport “My Child Is Tops At OAHS - Over Achievers High School” Or even worse, “My three year old aced kindergarten” Who cares? This is too much information. If you must obnoxiously boast about your over-scheduled, over-praised little darling, do it in the confines of you home. I don’t want to hear about it or even worse, read it.
If we are going to announce our selves to the world, let's use humor and wit. We are in short supply of both and need more.
With that in mind, below are 30 bumper stickers that have the dubious distinction of bringing a smile to my wizened lips. I know there are tons more. If you know of some,leave a comment and share. The humor you save may be your own.
In no particular order.
Rehab is for quitters.
I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
Is it time for your medication or mine?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
The trouble with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Karaoke bars combine two of the nation's greatest evils — people
who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing.
Good! You're kid’s not an honor student, society needs laborers.
FREE TIBET! (with the purchase of a 44 oz. drink).
Heavily medicated for your safety.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
Invest in America. Buy a Congressman!
Politicians & Diapers need to be changed... often for the same reason
So Many Cats, So Few Recipes
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
It's as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.
Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
Jesus is coming, everybody look busy.
Better living through denial.
Adult child of alien invaders.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Like I said, if you've got one to share or would just like to comment on one of ours, please do.