Back in the old days, before computers, HD television and cell phones, one popular form of humor was the light bulb joke. These days they are either moldy or politically incorrect, but before they slide into obscurity the Frugal Yankee thought it would be fun to revisit some of them. So sit down and lets do some screwing in.

Oh and one last word before we begin, light bulb jokes make fun of everyone, so please put your political correctness in neutral.

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but it really must want to change.

How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and one to relate to the experience.

How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

How many aides does it take to change George Bush's light bulb?
None. He doesn't have a clue, let alone a light bulb

How many aides does it take to change Dick Cheney's light bulb?
None. He subcontracts it to Halliburton and gets a kickback.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None 'o yo' damn business!

How many union stage hands does it take to screw in a light bulb?
50. 50? Yeah 50; its in the contract.

How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.

How many New Age psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It's a hardware problem.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have marketing portray the dead bulb as an added feature.

How many HMO administrators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sorry, that's not covered by your policy

How many on-line game players does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
That's proprietary information. Answer available when you upgrade

How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it may takes five years for him to get it done.

How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?
None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of willing men around to do it.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Silly, WASPs don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in a hot tubs.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, but they're really only one.

How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!!!

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.

How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One to change and one not to change is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.

How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Zen masters carry their own light.

How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Billions and billions.

How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, and two to complain how light went electric

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

How many MIT grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.''

How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

How many drunk Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
80. One to hold the bulb and 79 to get so wasted the room spins.

How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?

How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb?
The entire team! And they all score As for the entire semester!

How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.

How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. There never was any light bulb.

How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

How many fundamentalist Christian right to lifers does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.

How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him finish off the keg.

How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.

How many egotists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.

How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?
This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but it is incomplete pending resolution of some actionable other items. It will be tabled until next our next meeting.

How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
None; assholes never see the light anyway.

How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.

How many Valley Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to get a Diet Coke and one to call Daddy.

How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?
Many hands make light work.

How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?
Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000

How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.

How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
All of them.

Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.

Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature, it will go out again.

How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

How many of those 2001: A Space Odyssey big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?
Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
To get to the other side.

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
We don't know. They can't get past the feasibility study.

How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... and one to change the bulb.

How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).

How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends on what you want to change it into.

How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?
"Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''

How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?
3. We'd also like to remove the socket. You aren't using it anyway.

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
One; who opines on the dead bulb's patriotism while reminiscing for the good ol' days of natural light before the introduction of wave length spectrum from the left.

How many overbearing mothers users does it take to change a light bulb?
That's all right, I sit in the dark.

How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?
There is nothing to change.

How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Televangelists screw in motels.

How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?
Libertarians never change light bulbs. Someone might enter the room who wants to be in the dark.

How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
The question isn't how many, but why my worthy proponents fails to see.....

How many Republican presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
Free global markets and less government will promote competition. Light will then be cheaper for all and light bulbs will no longer be needed.

That's all we got. Do you have any? Love to hear them.