Three remodeling contractors one from Vermont, one from Rhode Island, and one from Massachusetts managed to get a tour of the White House. The tour guide asked them what they did for a living. When they told him, he said, "Hey, you know what, we need some work done in the kitchen. Give me a bid, I'll submit it."
All three got busy. They measured. They scribbled. They measured some more.
Finally the Vermont guy said: "This will cost around $900.00. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."
The Rhode Island guy said: "This will cost $700. $300 for materials. $300 for my crew and $100 of profit for myself."
The Massachusetts guy said: "It'll be $2700.00"
The guide was stunned. "Why so much?"
"Well, there's $1000.00 for me, $1000.00 for you, and $700 for the guy from Vermont."

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A new construction hire was sent to the lumberyard to pick up some last minute supplies. He goes in and asks them for some 4 by twos.
"You mean 2 by 4s, don't you?", asked the sales man.
"I'm not sure. Let me call them." Pulling his cell phone out, he calls the job site and asks.
"Yep. 2 by 4s."
The sales man then asks, "How long you need 'em?"
"Oh, a long time. Were gonna build a house."

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A paving contractor walks into a bar with a lump of asphalt under his arm. "I'll have a beer please," he says to the barkeep, "and one for the road."