IRISH HUMOR: The Contradictor
Habituating a well established Irish bar, will do two things. It will do some damage to your liver and you get to know the regulars. Yet no matter which bar you go into there always seems the regulars seem to be certain 'types'.
There is the guy who is so cheap he wants you to buy him another drink. Or the guy who wants friendship so badly he will always buy you a drink. Or the high school athlete whose days are past, yet he doesn't know it. There's the liar, the comic and more.
One character is The Contradictor. This is the guy that no matter what the conversation is, he'll argue with you. He'll take the opposing side. For example, if you say the Red Sox are looking good. He'll tell how the pitching is suspect, the hitting too dependent on one swing. If you mention the President is doing a poor job. He'll start a long glowing tribute to the man.
Well, as all things do, The Contradictor will die. The choice now is up, or down.
Going up means getting past St. Peter. Can you see St. Peter allowing someone like The Contradictor into heaven? The man will argue about who should get in, who shouldn't. Heck, he'll even argue God's decisions. No, The Contradictor will assigned to a far warmer climate.
Upon seeing himself in Hell, The Contradictor will look around. He'll see the Devil standing on a ledge overlooking all the tortured souls. He'll see all the fire and brimstone. And rubbing his hands as if it is the coldest night in a hundred years, he'll outstretch them over the hottest fire, look the devil straight in the eye and declare, "God, this is heaven."